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Twitter has launched a new ad campaign after discovering that many people still dont understand it. Thankfully, the Guardians guide explains it all
Although Twitter has been part of the cultural and political discourse for years, a vast percentage of the population still doesnt understand it. To this blissfully ignorant percentage, tweets are simply the thing that journalists embed on to websites whenever they dont feel like coming up with their own ideas.
However, today Twitter unveiled a brand new advertising campaign aimed exclusively at those who dont know what Twitter is. Unfortunately, the commercials are so bland and empty that theyre almost certainly doomed to failure. Instead, newcomers are advised to reference a much better resource: this clear, accurate and comprehensive Twitter glossary.
A publicly identifiable name that helps differentiate you from everyone else on Twitter. Choose carefully. My username is @StuHeritage, for example, but in my heart I always wish Id picked the more poetic @MonkeyFart69.
A hashtag is a clickable identifier that helps users find a public discussion about a subject. Want a Justin Bieber fan to read your tweet? End it with the hashtag #Bieber. Want to show that you either like or dislike Donald Trump? Use #Trump. Want everyone on Earth to hate you? #Blessed.
These are the short, 140-character messages with which you further your personal brand. Its important to give off a consistent tone in your tweets, otherwise people wont know if youre a whining hand-wringing liberal or a furious, impotent mens right activist. Those are the only two types of people on Twitter.
This is what Simply Red singer Mick Hucknall did to @StuHeritage in June 2016, even though Stuart did nothing wrong and just wants to be friends.
Direct messages (or DMs) are private messages that can only be seen by yourself and the recipient. They were invented purely for the transfer of uninvited penis pictures.
These are the people who follow you, because theyre just as invested in your personal brand as you are. As a rule, the higher your follower count, the better a person you are.
This is how you respond to tweets. If a famous person tweets something, reply with Ha ha. Then, when they dont respond within 30 seconds, you can write Ha ha again. Then when they dont respond to that, you can write Why no reply :(?. And then, when they dont respond to that, write DIE IN HELL, TALENTLESS HACK. Then complain about being blocked.
A heart-shaped icon that you only press when someone sends you a tweet and you dont like them enough to reply.
Click the bell icon and youll see a list of tweets that other users want you to read. If youre a man, you might find one or two messages from an old friend who wants to say hi. If youre a woman, youll have several hundred messages telling you that youre stupid and ugly.
A parody account in no way affiliated with the actor Bill Murray. This is a terrible collection of weak observations and stolen homilies, designed to single out anyone who retweets them as someone who deserves to spend an eternity being punched in the nose in hell.
A blue tick that tells you the user is either an A-list celebrity, a respected authority on an important subject or a BuzzFeed employee.
The thing on Twitter that nobody in the entire history of Twitter has ever intentionally looked at or thought about.
A retweet is when you publish someone elses tweet on your own feed. It is the only way that @StuHeritage can ever feel a scrap of self-worth any more.
This is a list of the terms and hashtags most used on Twitter at any moment of time. Most useful in the punishing aftermath of an unthinkable terrorist attack, because it reminds you that, no matter how frightening the world gets, a huge percentage of people still just want to talk about Harry Styless hair.
Code of conduct
A thing that Twitter says it has, but probably doesnt.
Lab printed prosthetic digit to help police try and unlock a murder victims smartphone, protected by a fingerprint scanner instead of a password
Computer science professor Anil Jain spends most of his time researching and improving biometric systems, like fingerprint scanners and facial recognition software. Last month, however, law enforcement agents approached the Michigan State University academic with an unusual request: to create a 3D-printed replica of a dead mans finger.
Police needed the prosthetic digit to try and unlock a murder victims smartphone, protected by a fingerprint scanner instead of a password.
The authorities think that unlocking the phone could give them the identity of the murderer, Jain said. We are doing our social duty to assist in a criminal investigation.
Law enforcement agents had seen a YouTube demonstration of a technique developed by Jains lab which could transform fingerprint scans into fake fingertips that could fool the sensors on smartphones.
The police supplied the team with a scan of the victims fingerprints taken while he was alive following a previous arrest. Jain then worked with his PhD student Sunpreet Arora to reverse engineer the fingers.
We are not in the attack business. The 3D printing technique we developed is meant for calibrating fingerprint sensors, not nefariously unlocking someones phone without their knowledge, Jain was eager to emphasize.
First, the two-dimensional fingerprint scans are converted into three dimensional fingerprints and these are then sent to a high resolution 3D printer, to make a physical replica in a soft plastic that retains the subtle ridges of the fingerprint while also distorting under pressure like skin.
Once printed, a micron-thick coating of metal gold, copper or silver is applied to the surface. This recreates the electrical conductivity found in human skin that is required to make modern capacitive fingerprint readers work. Plastic fingers arent conductive enough on their own.
Jain wouldnt reveal the model of the smartphone they are dealing with, but most major manufacturers now use fingerprint authentication in their flagship devices, including Apple, Samsung, HTC and Microsoft.
How easy they are to penetrate depends on the model and manufacturer, he said. Some have a stronger ability to detect spoofs.
Fakamalo Kihe Eiki defended himself from internet backlash, saying The gift of life is so bad to share wow such a world we live in shame
A California man has defended himself from criticism after live-streaming his childs birth on Facebook Live on Monday.
Fakamalo Kihe Eiki from Carmichael, California, describes himself as a Christian comedian on his Facebook page. He posted the stream in the early hours of Monday morning, and it quickly gained upwards of 90,000 views.
Thanks guys for enjoying the gift of life with me lol come celebrate next weekend bbq if in area, Eiki wrote in a comment under the stream.
Eiki on Tuesday defended himself from internet backlash over posting to his page that The gift of life is so bad to share wow such a world we live in shame. Why watch? lol it was for those that were family and if you do not like, tune out?
A few hours later he posted again, with some of his reasoning for posting the stream: I like how people seem to judge before they know anything I am blessed to have a baby I aired it live because people would rather talk about Donald trumps hair than the blessings in life get real people lol.
Facebook Live is the social media giants first foray into live broadcasting an already crowded field, with Googles YouTube and Twitters Periscope offering live-streaming broadcasting, though Facebooks vast potential audience of 1.5 billion users, they hope, will give them an edge over their competitors. Facebooks CEO, Mark Zuckerberg, himself said in a town hall meeting which was broadcast over Facebook Live that streaming video was one of the things he was most excited about.
One early live stream using the service, of two BuzzFeed reporters exploding a watermelon using elastic bands, garnered more than 10m total views, 800,000 of which were live. However, when BuzzFeed tried to run an interview with Barack Obama using the service, a technical glitch forced them to move the interview to a YouTube stream.
Actual live streams of births are rare, but they have happened. In 2009, singer Erykah Badu live-tweeted the birth of her child; also in 2009 a Minnesota woman who went by the name Lynsee live-streamed the birth of her child using a camera crew on the site MomsLikeMe.com.
In a later blogpost about her experience, Lynsee said: Do I regret what I did? Absolutely not! Would I do it again? Probably not. I loved sharing my experience, but I dont think I would have time to do it next time around!
I knew that there would be a lot of people that would not agree with what we did. But to each their own! Yes, some of the criticism hurt. But most of the criticism was from ill-informed people who only read the headlines of articles, she continued. But I also had a lot of support from all over the world!